Sooo I haven't had internet in a really long time, and therefore, haven't been able to update this thing -- honestly I have no idea who still reads this, but it continues to be my little outlet regardless. I was just pulled aside to talk to the computer guy through the sketchy interpretation of my supervisor and fellow English teacher. Out of that 15 minute quasi conversation (during which I desperately had to use the little girl's room and was subtly trying to cross my legs), I found out that they'd updated all the computers in the school and now have wireless internet. Well he asked me which operating system I had and when I said I had Windows 98, he said, "No, no. That's too old. It won't work." I told him that it was working because I had just successfully written a couple emails. Well I don't think that got through to him because he was telling me how the virus definition stuff wouldn't work with Windows 98 and all that jazz and that I needed to use the school computers for internet yadda, yadda, yadda. When I finally insisted that I could, indeed, access the internet from my computer, he seemed really surprised and then worried that I might get a virus and unknowingly pass it onto the school (a reasonable worry). I said, "Well I have a virus protection program, as well as spyware and adaware protection that I update every day. Is that ok?" This took about 5 tries to communicate with him and he finally said that if I kept my word and was sure to update every day, that I would be allowed to use the internet from my computer... whew! No pressure, though, right? Haha!
Anyway, yesterday was our 5 year anniversary which is pretty impressive. We went to a Turkish restaurant in Osaka and had a wonderfully delicious meal while listening to a Turkish group play traditional music. As we toasted Adam said, "Well, here's to 5 years... holy crap!" Hahaha! I couldn't have said it better myself. When I think about how we were on our first date and even within that first year, it amazes me to think about how much we've changed already and how much we'll change in another 5 years. "Holy crap" is right!
I finally had my last class yesterday and will now be stuck with nothing to do until about mid-April... 2 months of nothing. Woohoo... As long as I can use the internet I'll be saved. I'm also planning on dipping into the herbology and homeopathy books that I brought home. Hopefully, I'll learn something!
So the main point of this blog is to expel some anger about an incident that happened on Tuesday afternoon as I was walking home from work. It was a beautiful day and I was actually in a pretty good mood -- the sky was blue, the sun was warm on my face, and I'd just taught my last classes at that school. Well, as I was almost to the train station and coming up on a small residential parking lot on my right, I saw a guy run toward it like maybe he was in a hurry to get to his car or something. Not thinking anything about it I continued. (Note: between me and the parking lot was a huge concrete ditch about 1.5 feet across and 2 feet deep, and a fence.) So as I pass the parking lot I see this guy fiddling with the zipper on his pants and I think, "Oh great... another nasty guy taking a piss in public... what is it with this place that they can't just go to the toilet?" Anyway, I was wrong... as I got closer he whipped out his dick, which happened to be fully erect, and started beating off as I passed. Not only did that completely shock the hell out of me, but he was staring at me the whole time with the creepiest look I've ever seen, and he was muttering something that sounded like "chikan" which strangely is the word for "pervert". Anyway, I shouted out "CHIKAN! Fuck you asshole!" and walked off without giving him another look. Anger, rage, a feeling of violation and embarrassment started coursing through my body. Had I been able to, I would have liked to rip off his balls and throw them in the gutter on the side of the road. However, the thing that angers me the most about this situation and beside the obvious feeling of "Why the hell did he just do that?! What makes him think he can do that and get away with it?!", is the fact that, as a foreigner, I really could not have done anything about it. In the States, I'm pretty sure that if I socked the guy in the nose, or repeatedly kicked him in the groin (which would have been lovely revenge), I probably wouldn't have gotten in any trouble. However, in this society, I would have been charged with assault because he didn't actually touch me. If I'd have gone to the police down the road, they wouldn't have done anything and would have probably suggested that I had liked it or had brought it on myself, or that since I was a tall, blond foreigner that I should expect such things. The point is: as a gaijin, I have NO RIGHTS. And THAT is what angered me the most. On the way home I fantasized about all the ways I could have kicked the crap out of the guy or thrown something at him or cussed him out (had I been able to speak angry Japanese) and I tried to control my emotions and keep the tears at bay. When I finally walked through the door of the apartment I collapsed in a weepy, angry mess (much to Adam's surprise since I couldn't tell him what happened for a good 5 minutes). Here's the scary part about all this: "chikan" are actually reallllly common here. They're everywhere and it's kind of strange that I'd been here for so long without seeing one or experiencing something like this. This country is full of f'cked up, emotionally repressed people and it manifests itself in cases like this. This is also pretty common for foreign women here and I'm actually pretty worried now that this guy might be a stalker (he seemed to know when I'd be coming). He's planted that seed of uncertainty and fright in me and I resent the power that that gives him and the feeling of helplessness it gives me.
When I was in Ecuador, guys would say dirty things to me on the street and grab me as I walked by. The difference, though, was that I was more prepared for that and I expected it. I would cross the street if I saw a man on my side I didn't have a good feeling about. I took Taekwondo classes for exercise but also for protection if I needed it. I remember my coach would tell me, "Always be ready. Always. Expect that something might happen so you can react and fight back. They want to startle you because it's easier for them. Keep your eyes open and BE AWARE of everything and everyone around you." I was pretty good at this but one day outside my family's shoe store I was day dreaming about something and suddenly someone jumped at me as if to attack. I jumped back, startled of course, only to realize it was my coach. "What have I told you? You weren't aware. You were off in your own world!" He was testing me and I failed... damn. From then on, I tried to be aware of my surroundings -- much easier said than done.
I realize now that I was much more street savvy in those times and much more prepared at the age of 16 to deal with stuff like this. Ecuador is a 3rd world country and I expected it there. They tell us when we first arrive in Japan that it's a really safe country. Well, low crime may be true but as far as perverted asswipes go that's bullshit. I was lolled into a feeling of security and complacency. Maybe I'm taking this to an extreme (it's not like he raped me or anything, but it was f'cked up nonetheless), but I'd rather be aware next time, or at least have something in my pocket that I can throw at him.... I need to be aware of what's happening around me. If he does turn out to be a stalker, then I need to keep my eyes and ears open. I'm also going to tell my other teachers at the school nearby. All my students walk on that road to the train station and I'm worried he might do the same thing to them as well. I need to warn the school that he's there -- maybe they'll do something about it if they're worried about the students. (Unfortunately I got a better view of his dick than I did his face, so if they ask me all I can say is, "well, he's maybe early 30's and definitely Japanese".)
When I get home, I've decided to get back into some form of martial arts. Not only is it great exercise, but it also gives you the skills and awareness needed to protect yourself.
Anyway, I'm still dealing with a bit of residual anger, but whatever. It'll pass and life will go on! Any thoughts on this would be appreciated. Thanks.
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